I have to begin by apologizing...it seems the only changes that appeared are the ones on my website. So, I am working on the blog and trying to figure it out....it will soon look more updated, I promise!
Alright, this is a moment for honesty. When your children are driving you nuts, or something is really bugging you do you let it all out or do you keep your mouth quiet? I am trying SO HARD to be a Mom that stays quiet (unless I REALLY need to do otherwise). Sometimes I even have to physically bite my lip in order to keep my words in. I know that I talk way too much when it comes to discipling my children. I know I need to be calm, yet firm in my voice (using only key words). This is very difficult...why do we find it so hard? My husband and I struggle with this as parents. I don't know why, but it seems like everyone in our household always has to have the last word. This is not working for us!!!
I am listening to a parenting program on CD's called "Celebrate Calm" by Kirk Martin. My husband and I attended one of his workshops a few years ago and decided to purchase the CD's last year when we felt like we were in a downward spiral with our girls (my goodness they are still young). All we kept thinking was "How on earth will we survive the teenage years if we do not get their behaviors under control now?" Well, to be honest with you we did not listen to all the tapes and therefore not much changed. Here we are again...we are giving it another go. What do we have to lose? Absolutely nothing....but we sure have a lot to gain.
We are going to be a family for.....FOREVER so we need to treat each other with respect and kindness and work together to make our life the best it can be. So.....
Here is part of our thoughts and struggles: we know they are little girls who are testing the waters, but I (my husband too) refuse to allow disrespectful behavior. It has to be stopped. I also do not want my youngest two to hear my oldest and think it is okay to speak to Mommy and Daddy in a disrespectful tone. So...I am on disc 2 tonight....the speaker is recommending that when your child acts up that you remain calm, and quiet. He says, you have (hopefully) already laid down the ground rules for your home, so now if the child is misbehaving you are to use the key words you choose and say those and nothing else. For example, you could say "We use respectful language in our home." If the child then continues, the consequence is given then and there.
Keeping quiet and not offering an explanation is hard....showing disrespect or rude behaviors make my blood boil. I know when I lose it in return this does not help any. Yet, it is difficult to be patient when your child is talking back to you. I feel as if we give the consequence and there is still back talk (to whoever will listen) as they are being sent upstairs. At times the door is slammed (not allowed), some times there is feet stomping and whining. How are we supposed to remain calm and ignore these behaviors? Or, at what point do you give another consequence? Ahhh...this parenting stuff is not easy. Maybe I will learn more on the rest of tonight's CD. If I find out any useful information I will share it.
I'm sure most of you like I feel so much better when our household runs smoothly and there is not a lot of yelling. Misbehavior doesn't occur everyday, but I still feel like it needs to be stopped while we can. I can't even imagine what the attitudes will be like if we let it continue into teenage years.
I try to savor the moments when all is calm, cool and collected. I love when there is a peaceful feeling in our home. I know we will get there and we will work through it as a family because that is what we do!
Do you struggle with back talk at your home? Have you found a solution that works for your family? What consequences do you use that work? I would love to hear your feedback or suggestions. It takes a village right?
You don't always have to have the last word to realize one's true intentions, silence speaks volumes.
~ Author Unkown
Hi I'm Jen, married to my best friend for 16 years and a Mom to 3 beautiful, energetic daughters. My blog is about life, learning to live with Grace and Girls Raised In The South (GRITS). Thanks for spending some time in my small part of the world! I hope you find a story you can relate to and you'll want to come back!
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