I have learned from past few years that if you've experienced a life changing event whether it's the loss of a loved one, a life changing diagnosis, or even just something that makes you sad...these things make the hoidays a bit harder to swallow.
Don't get me wrong. I LOVE Christmas. I love decorating the tree, I love the traditions my family and I have started. I love Christmas Eve Mass and the lump I get in my throat when we sing about Jesus' birth and what it means to us. I get it...I get the hype and the "jolly holly" holiday songs. But, what do you do when these things bring mixed feelings?
For me, it is a feeling I try to shake every December. The beginning of December is so darn hard for me. It brings back emotions that completely overwhelm me and on some days make me numb. It's that lump in my throat that sneaks up when I least expect it...a hallmark commercial that makes me weep.
I wish I knew how to deal with all of these emotions while at the same time keeping things in harmony at home; with my children, with my husband, with life. I don't though.
I find myself keeping us busy, but when I have a free moment my mind wanders to that week in December I wish were different.
So, I decided this year that it is okay. It is okay to be a little sad right now. It will pass. It always does. I owe it to myself to let these emotions out and to give them a place. Losing my parents changed my life forever. I will never be the same person I was before that December week. I am trying each and every day to be the best wife, Mom and person I can be. I know this is enough.
I've been so blessed the past few months with people that have come into my life. Friends that I absolutely adore. Some are friends that didn't know me when my life changed. These women have helped me in ways they will never know. You see, they ask questions. They want to know about my parents and about my family. We share. We share our stories and our hearts. Some days we laugh until our sides ache, other days we cry until our eyes are dry. I am so blessed. I wouldn't change it for anything. These friends are helping me become whole again. Something that has been missing for a long time.
One of the hardest parts about losing my parents is not having people to share my stories. People say they will keep their memories alive but they don't. No one really talks about them unless I bring them up. Anniversaries come and go without mention...except in my heart.
Things have changed.
Now, I have people who want to help me keep memories alive and want to hear my stories.
As this Christmas season approaches I am missing my parents. I am missing their laughter and their smiles. It's okay though. I know that they have been busy. They have been watching over me, my girls, our family. They have helped orchestrate these new friendships. That I am certain.
Merry Christmas to you all. I'll be back in the new year. I am going to take a deep breath and enjoy all that these next few weeks bring. May God Bless you and your families this Christmas season.
A verse from one of my favorite Christmas carols:
O come all ye faithful joyful and triumphet
Oh come ye O come ye to Bethlehem;
come and behold him born the King of angels;
O come let us adore him Christ the Lord.
May peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through! ~ Author unknown